Putting the "date" back in dating

I was listening to “Dear future husband” by Meghan Trainor and I thought about what I want when I do get back in the dating scene. I haven’t been on the market for a long time since I was in what I thought would be a “till death do us apart” kind of relationship but I guess he didn’t want the same thing. That aside, being almost a twenty-six year old lady, having experienced my fair share of dating and being a mom; I’m not just looking for fun but also a commitment. I want that make me feel like flowers and butterflies and all that cute shit kind of dating.

There is this new breed of men who are just lazy daters and I mean chilling in the house, never take you out, kind of lazy! But as ladies, one of our biggest weaknesses is that when we love….we really love! All the rules and expectations you had sometimes just go out the window and you accept him as he is and be content with the kind of love he offers….as long as he loves you and chooses you at the end of the day. But I don’t want to settle for less, I want the guy who takes you out, it doesn’t have to be on every other weekend but once in a while plan a romantic date for your lady…even if it’s at the end of the month when you have some mula.

If there is one thing men should know and understand, is that your lady knows your limitations and she will never expect you to take her to Hilton when you’re a hustler but you can afford to take her to the top of KICC and a to have milkshake after, then if you want to end the date at home so be it….cook a nice meal together and watch a movie while cuddling on the couch. That’s a date!

One rule of dating, it’s the thought that counts and I mean know your lady and plan something you know she will enjoy. The fact that you put a little thought into that date will score you some points. I love swimming so take me swimming at a nice quiet location on a hot sunny day. Don’t take me to a concert or rave when I’m an introvert….let’s do a quiet intimate dinner. Also, maybe this is just me but taking me to a party does not count as a date. I’m not saying don’t do it or I won’t have fun but it just won’t be a date.

As a young single mom, I appreciate the complexity of dating when you have a child because you will always be a package and not many men can handle that but if I have learnt anything in the last month since I started to open up about my last relationship…. It takes a strong serious man to commit to that and there isn’t a scarcity of them (contrary to what I thought). So even though I was hurt and I loved and lost….i wont close myself off from love. I might not be ready to get back in the game but if love knocks, I will answer and I won’t settle for less. I want to experience the date in dating. Also, I think my future husband should listen to that song; “Dear future husband” by Meghan Trainor because it pretty much sums it up minus the cooking part…. I can cook pretty well J

Through my son's eyes

As an adult, sometimes life deals you blows and you learn to take them and carry on. As a parent, when life deals you blows you pray that your kids don’t feel them and that they never take the same hits. Being a mother has changed me in more ways than I imagined it would. I look at the world in two different ways, as is through my own eyes and through my son’s eyes as he sees it. My biggest wish and what I strive to give my child is the freedom to always see the world as he does now….full of wonder and excitement and unlimited possibility. I know it’s not possible to shield my son from the horrors and unfairness of the world; in fact I wouldn’t want to because he cannot change what he does not know and it will take more than our generation to change the world but I do hope that he does not take life’s hard blows along the way.

When he looks at me with his big white innocent eyes and smiles his toothless heart-warming smile, I can’t help but smile back. He is the embodiment of love, happiness, hope, joy and peace in my life. His tiny hands on my face….even though sometimes full of saliva just makes me smile. His full chubby cheeks, his light brown smooth skin….yes he got my skin color and maybe nose(not sure about that one), his father’s genes were stronger since he got his father’s height and most facial attributes. I just love everything about him….he is perfection in my eyes. I know when he looks at me he sees the same thing I do when I look at him; he sees of love, happiness, hope, joy, peace and a sense of security. I hope he sees that when he looks at me for the rest of his life (I know in his teenage years he might feel differently but hopefully after that phase I’ll always be his safe haven)

I want my son’s world to never feel incomplete, though his father and I never really worked out; I want him to feel that he still has a family in us…. that’s why despite our differences, I would never stand in between him and his father and their relationship. I would want him to understand that sometimes people just aren’t meant to be or want different things at different stages in their lives and that’s okay but that doesn’t change the fact that we love him and he always has a family in us no matter what.

Sometimes I watch him sleep, that beautiful, peaceful and fulfilling sleep…. how I miss that! That stress-free sleep you enjoy when you have nothing to worry about, nothing to lose sleep over and no nightmares haunting you in your sleep. I pray that he will never have sleepless nights and that if he is to lose sleep let it be because of love….because he is overwhelmed with love for that special girl that might be my daughter-in-law someday and not for heartbreak.

Through my son’s eyes….the world is beautiful and full of color. There is so much to see and experience and the wonder never dies. I want to start seeing the world as my son sees it. Focus on the good in life, spend as much time as I can with family and the friends that count and not lose sight of all the good in my life by focusing on the blows I have been dealt…..and man have I been dealt many! But when everything calms down and everything is right in your world….when you are the happiest and most content, that’s the world you should strive to create for your children and the generations that follow. And we are all parents even before we have our own children because when we see a homeless child begging in the streets….we feel for that child, all the same.