My first love

This is a story of love but not just any love, my first love. I have been in a lot of relationships but I can honestly say, I have only ever truly loved two men. Both have had a significant effect on my life in one way or another....one was my first love and hopefully my last and the other is the reason I have the handsome little angel that lights up my world. Today, I want to share the story of my first love, the one I never truly let go of.

I read somewhere recently that we always go back to our first loves and it got my wheels spinning....I couldn't help but put my love life in that perspective and I realized that maybe there was some truth in that. I could be wrong but in my case, turned out to be pretty accurate so maybe you can tell me after I tell you the story of us.

The year was 2011, the place was college... we were in the same accounting class....I was young, smart, pretty and very jovial. He was smart, tall, dark and handsome but mostly kept to himself and his inner circle. So being the curious little thing I was, I just had to get to know him....so I borrowed his notebook one day and that is how we got to talking and becoming friends. He was a great guy I soon learnt and we became good friends. I was dating someone else at the time so I never really had an interest in anything more than that at the time. One day he asked me out for coffee and we had a really interesting conversation about life in general but that day, I won’t lie ...something clicked in me and I never quite saw him the same after. My interest was piqued and so was his from what I gathered but I was already taken so neither of us really made a move.

Fast forward, I got into campus and he flew out for his studies and we lost touch for a while. About a year and a half later, he reached out to me and we got close immediately like the last one and a half years were merely just a day. We would talk all night till the sun came up....I kid you not. He became my best friend and soon after that my boyfriend. I was in love. Have you ever loved someone that when you look at them you can see your whole future together? That is how much we fell for each other. No one existed for me but him. We had it all planned out, I would become his Mrs. and we would have three adorable babies and live happily ever after and it seemed easy enough too. His mom loved me, my mom loved him....I mean everything was working for us.

What happened you ask? Life happened. He was still studying abroad, he would come for the holidays but be gone for months after that and the long distance put a strain on our relationship. I was young and felt like I was missing out on a big world out there so I ended it. Broke his heart, broke my heart too but I never allowed myself to feel it because what right did I have of feeling heartbroken when I’m the one who ended it. So I threw myself into something else to distract me from the loss I was feeling. And so came my second love.

The relationship never quite started on the right foot but it worked for a while until it didn’t anymore. All the while my first love was still in my life. We were back to being best friends....we talked about anything and everything. We would talk for hours almost every day. Then I got pregnant and it got a bit more complicated for us. I have never had a harder conversation in life than when I told my first love that I was having a baby by the other love of my life. It felt like a great betrayal of the love we shared and the life we had planned together. Naturally, it had its toll on us and we grew apart. I had a family, I focused my time and love on them.

A baby down the line, my relationship turned sour and I was hurting, we seemed to fight more and more as time went by. He stopped being present so I left. It broke my heart. It wasn't easy after that trying to adjust to my new life as a single mother. Starting over was hard, I cried for many nights and I promised myself that I was not going to let anyone else in. What I didn't realize is that someone was already in coz he never left. He was always in my heart. We reconnected shortly after I left my second love and as always....it was like we were never apart. We got close. He was there for me, he helped me get through what was the hardest time in my life. We were back to being best friends again.

After a few weeks of long conversations on the phone and sharing our hopes and dreams….we rekindled something so strong, we couldn’t ignore it. I felt it but I was not going to be the one to mention it, I broke his heart once before and things were much more complicated this time…. I kept it to myself. A few months down the line, he told me that he loved me and that he never stopped loving me and I was “the one” for him. I just couldn’t contain myself when he asked me to be his love. Life gave us a second chance and we are not going to let it pass us by. Seven months down the line, still feels like we just got together the other day….honey moon phase. I got back with my first love, a few years later, and I’d like to think that if we survived the baby daddy drama, we can survive anything. Watching him with my son just warms my heart, you wouldn’t know that he wasn’t his son by the way he adores him and the amazing bond they share.

Moral of the story, you never forget your first love and if it’s meant to be, you’ll always find your way back. Sometimes the timing just isn’t right even if the love is. I’ll let you know when the wedding is….hahaha.

Putting the "date" back in dating

I was listening to “Dear future husband” by Meghan Trainor and I thought about what I want when I do get back in the dating scene. I haven’t been on the market for a long time since I was in what I thought would be a “till death do us apart” kind of relationship but I guess he didn’t want the same thing. That aside, being almost a twenty-six year old lady, having experienced my fair share of dating and being a mom; I’m not just looking for fun but also a commitment. I want that make me feel like flowers and butterflies and all that cute shit kind of dating.

There is this new breed of men who are just lazy daters and I mean chilling in the house, never take you out, kind of lazy! But as ladies, one of our biggest weaknesses is that when we love….we really love! All the rules and expectations you had sometimes just go out the window and you accept him as he is and be content with the kind of love he offers….as long as he loves you and chooses you at the end of the day. But I don’t want to settle for less, I want the guy who takes you out, it doesn’t have to be on every other weekend but once in a while plan a romantic date for your lady…even if it’s at the end of the month when you have some mula.

If there is one thing men should know and understand, is that your lady knows your limitations and she will never expect you to take her to Hilton when you’re a hustler but you can afford to take her to the top of KICC and a to have milkshake after, then if you want to end the date at home so be it….cook a nice meal together and watch a movie while cuddling on the couch. That’s a date!

One rule of dating, it’s the thought that counts and I mean know your lady and plan something you know she will enjoy. The fact that you put a little thought into that date will score you some points. I love swimming so take me swimming at a nice quiet location on a hot sunny day. Don’t take me to a concert or rave when I’m an introvert….let’s do a quiet intimate dinner. Also, maybe this is just me but taking me to a party does not count as a date. I’m not saying don’t do it or I won’t have fun but it just won’t be a date.

As a young single mom, I appreciate the complexity of dating when you have a child because you will always be a package and not many men can handle that but if I have learnt anything in the last month since I started to open up about my last relationship…. It takes a strong serious man to commit to that and there isn’t a scarcity of them (contrary to what I thought). So even though I was hurt and I loved and lost….i wont close myself off from love. I might not be ready to get back in the game but if love knocks, I will answer and I won’t settle for less. I want to experience the date in dating. Also, I think my future husband should listen to that song; “Dear future husband” by Meghan Trainor because it pretty much sums it up minus the cooking part…. I can cook pretty well J

Through my son's eyes

As an adult, sometimes life deals you blows and you learn to take them and carry on. As a parent, when life deals you blows you pray that your kids don’t feel them and that they never take the same hits. Being a mother has changed me in more ways than I imagined it would. I look at the world in two different ways, as is through my own eyes and through my son’s eyes as he sees it. My biggest wish and what I strive to give my child is the freedom to always see the world as he does now….full of wonder and excitement and unlimited possibility. I know it’s not possible to shield my son from the horrors and unfairness of the world; in fact I wouldn’t want to because he cannot change what he does not know and it will take more than our generation to change the world but I do hope that he does not take life’s hard blows along the way.

When he looks at me with his big white innocent eyes and smiles his toothless heart-warming smile, I can’t help but smile back. He is the embodiment of love, happiness, hope, joy and peace in my life. His tiny hands on my face….even though sometimes full of saliva just makes me smile. His full chubby cheeks, his light brown smooth skin….yes he got my skin color and maybe nose(not sure about that one), his father’s genes were stronger since he got his father’s height and most facial attributes. I just love everything about him….he is perfection in my eyes. I know when he looks at me he sees the same thing I do when I look at him; he sees of love, happiness, hope, joy, peace and a sense of security. I hope he sees that when he looks at me for the rest of his life (I know in his teenage years he might feel differently but hopefully after that phase I’ll always be his safe haven)

I want my son’s world to never feel incomplete, though his father and I never really worked out; I want him to feel that he still has a family in us…. that’s why despite our differences, I would never stand in between him and his father and their relationship. I would want him to understand that sometimes people just aren’t meant to be or want different things at different stages in their lives and that’s okay but that doesn’t change the fact that we love him and he always has a family in us no matter what.

Sometimes I watch him sleep, that beautiful, peaceful and fulfilling sleep…. how I miss that! That stress-free sleep you enjoy when you have nothing to worry about, nothing to lose sleep over and no nightmares haunting you in your sleep. I pray that he will never have sleepless nights and that if he is to lose sleep let it be because of love….because he is overwhelmed with love for that special girl that might be my daughter-in-law someday and not for heartbreak.

Through my son’s eyes….the world is beautiful and full of color. There is so much to see and experience and the wonder never dies. I want to start seeing the world as my son sees it. Focus on the good in life, spend as much time as I can with family and the friends that count and not lose sight of all the good in my life by focusing on the blows I have been dealt…..and man have I been dealt many! But when everything calms down and everything is right in your world….when you are the happiest and most content, that’s the world you should strive to create for your children and the generations that follow. And we are all parents even before we have our own children because when we see a homeless child begging in the streets….we feel for that child, all the same.