A letter to my baby

Dear most awesome baby ever,

I hope by the time you are reading this, life has been everything I hoped it would be for you. You’ve gotten to experience the best life has to offer, you’ve followed your heart and your dreams but most importantly, you are happy. I think it would only be fair that I start with the funny story that preceded your birth. So about six months into the pregnancy, I had an ultra sound/scan done to determine the sex of the baby (i.e. you) and the doctor told me that it was a girl. Your father and I did the first round of shopping and bought a considerable amount of pink clothing. A week ago while I was eight months into the pregnancy, we did another scan and that doctor said you were a boy. You can imagine our surprise at the news but your father and I had long suspected you were a boy so we had a contingent boy name just in case and we hadn’t stocked purely pink clothes for you. Call it parental instinct. Though you do have some pretty strong kicks, that’s why your father has decided you will be a pro footballer (of course that is purely your choice but between you and me, I think you are really good dancer).  So we are eagerly counting down the days till we meet you, probably in 2 weeks, give or take. I apologize in advance because you might rock a few pink outfits for the first few months of your life due to the error by the doctors but at least your arrival already has an interesting story to kick it off. J

The main reason I am writing you this letter is to let you know that you are loved. I know you are and will be the best parts of both me and your father. I may not have met you yet but I have felt the life of you inside me for the last eight and a half months, I have felt your tiny little kicks from the time they were just small flutters to full grown kicks that make my stomach bulge out in response. I feel you and I know for certain that I am irrevocably in love with you. All my instincts right now are directed towards giving you the best I can give you in this life. I am eagerly waiting to see your tiny little cute self and hold you in my arms. The day of your arrival will undoubtedly be one of my happiest days.

As you enter in this world, there are things you should know. The world is not a certain place, sometimes it will build you up only to tear you down but one thing that will always remain true is that I will be there to put you together should it break you and to hold you up. I want you to learn to follow your passion and your heart wherever it may take you; life is too short not to take chances! I hope as I continue to age and pile on experiences, good and bad alike that the world won’t corrupt me so that I forget to tell you that you can be whoever and whatever you want to be, don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t do something.  I’m not saying it will be easy but that shouldn’t stop you from trying. Remember that the greatest regrets in life come from the chances we did not take rather than the ones we did not succeed in.  Also, allow yourself to love and be loved. Sure, people will occasionally break your heart and you will probably break a few of your own but don’t let that stop you from opening your heart, love is a wonderful thing.

My prayer for you is that you never struggle in this life but still learn the value of everything you have, that you learn to respect everyone around you especially those beneath you and you don’t learn anything the hard way but still learn all the same. Learn from people’s experiences so that you don’t have to go through those trials yourself and learn to put yourself in people’s shoes so that you treat them exactly how you wish to be treated. There is so much I hope for you that words can’t fully capture so all I want you to know is I loved you before I met you and I want the very best life has to offer for you. Be the best version of you that you can be. Live your life to the fullest and live for each day because tomorrow is never guaranteed. Most of all, be happy; happiness is a choice.

Lots of love my angel,

Love mummy <3  J

Of Men and Dogs

Just to be clear on the topic, to avoid wasting anyone's time, this is about cheaters. The one thing every man should know, most of the time, we know you are cheating....we may not be sure with whom but we know when and how long. I'm not one to be self-righteous because I have been unfaithful one or two times in a relationship here or there in the past but just to be clear, there are situations you are not allowed to cheat in!

Let me clarify, there are three types of relationships; 1. The relationship for temporary companionship,  2. The relationship of convenience,  and 3. The relationship for the long haul. In the first, one or both of you may be in the relationship just to avoid loneliness and to not be alone for the double dates, road trips etc. The second is pretty much self explanatory; it’s for one or both of your conveniences. The third, you both choose to be together for the long-term. What you do in the first or second type is none of my business but the third is what I want to discuss. Just to define the parameters, the long-term relationship is 1. One that has been ongoing for two years or more and is headed for a more serious commitment (i.e. marriage) 2. One with a child or a child on the way and is also long-term (just to be clear, a woman having your baby does not a relationship make but if you choose to settle down and start a family then that’s a different story) 3. Where you are living together (voluntarily) and of course marriage goes without saying.

When a man chooses to settle down and says, this is the woman i want to spend the rest of my life with, certain things are expected of this man but the main being keeping it in his pants. Contrary, to popular belief, there isn’t a scarcity of real men who actually do this with utmost loyalty. On the other hand, there is the deplorable kind that can’t be loyal to his woman if his life depended on it. Cheating is never an accident but a choice (might not be a smart one but it is a choice nonetheless).

There is nothing worse than going from being the other woman to being the main lady. Much as you think you want it, you have to keep in mind that you know too much! You know how it starts, you know how he cheats, the lies he tells when he is doing so (since you were on the other side of that phone call when he made those excuses before) and to make matters worse, you know that his boys know and enable it. When you get to the other side, you become paranoid every time he says he is with the boys or she is just a friend. You were just a friend, doing unspeakable things with him while his main lady stays naive and oblivious. When the tables are turned, it’s not fun being in the dark....

“She is just a friend” he keeps saying but you know better, you see the signs, you've read the texts (you couldn’t help but snoop….FYI, snooping is bad but be sure when you are looking for skeletons, you’ll find them in plenty) and he even has the audacity to have her in the same room as you and she conveniently sits by his side. What do you do then? I'll tell you with certainty that you are dating a dog. There are only 3 ways that could go; 1. You confront him, if he admits to it, well what you do with that is up to your discretion but on the other hand, if he denies it and you are certain then on to the 2nd one 2. You leave him 3. You cheat as well (tit for tat is a fair game after all and it makes for a good distraction because let’s face it, if you haven’t left him....its coz you can’t help but still love him) 4. Emotionally check out.....but then the relationship becomes just a show, a shell of what it was which is just a waste of both your times but if you have your reasons then have at it.

Men, don’t cheat and if you can’t help yourself.... at least have the decency to end the relationship first. Don’t lie to yourself that you still love her when you are busy dipping your stick in every pool you can because that is straight out bull! I believe if you love your woman, you will be a man and put her first, stay true to her and keep it in your pants. If she is not enough to satisfy you, then leave, get one who will or if one doesn't do it for you, don’t commit, there isn't a scarcity of women who love “no strings attached” too (take it for from a woman) The biggest flaw I’d say with our species (women) is that regardless of how much of a ratchet or wild girl you are/were, when we love…we love hard and stupid! (Stupid because we give it all up and stay true to one man even when he is the king of team mafisi)

Ladies, there are men and then there are dogs….just pray you got a man. J