LOVE AFFAIRS

In this moment in time, I feel nothing. My heart is frozen in one beat, one rhythm and one moment. The moment of truth, the moment of realisation. I close my eyes and busk in the nothingness. My heart is numb but my mind is not oblivious to the wave of emotion that will come crushing when this moment passes. I'm afraid, not because this feeling is completely foreign to me but because I'm losing myself to it; to him.

I didn't see this one coming, if anything, it was the last thing I expected. It wasn't so long ago we were friends, we were content with the extent of our relationship. How then did we get here? I remember
it started with a smile, then a laugh then a kiss and before we knew it, this. This feeling that has completely overtaken us, it has imprisoned us but we seem not to notice, we're too busy getting lost in each other's embrace. How can something so wrong feel so right?

I haven't forgotten about her, innocent and naive to all this. She feels it too. She is so blinded by the feeling that she doesn't see what is happening, she doesn't see the web of complication that she has been glued to. He knows it's not right, he has to make a choice but i cannot dare to encourage it, she was here first...i wont stand a chance.

How do i tell him? I have never felt anything close to this, i have never been this afraid of a simple emotion. Just the realisation of how deep i am fills me with fear, not the fear of love but of loss. I had managed to build a wall so high that no one could even dream of getting over it, i had kept myself protected, in my own little fortress but he walked right through like it never existed.

Love, its just a four letter word yet it inspires so much. I am open to love but i am not ready to lose so i will stay frozen in this moment in time. My perfect moment of numbness. I know eventually i will have to face this feeling and everything that comes with it but for now, I pray. I pray that time freezes this moment; the moment of my love affair.